right now, your prenatal yoga classes and learning how to breathe are important.

spending time with yourself, husband, girlfriends and other child(ren) is important.

choosing the exact shades of pink and gray for the nursery is important.

and, i’m sure, planning your ideal birthing experience is on the top of your mind. it is, after all, your first, second, or fifth child.

it could be natural, your first c-section, a repeat section or *fingers crossed* a v-bac…

you are focusing on the dilemmas: an epidural or without drugs…breastfeeding or formula, or a little bit of both…

everyone smiles at your swollen belly and asks if you want a boy or a girl…and you might have your preference, but the ultimate desire, whether spoken or not, is healthy.

“ten fingers, ten toes!” is what every mama and dadda wants to hear once the newest little makes her appearance.

if this is your first baby, you are focusing on learning how to be a new parent and taking care of this human who is totally relying on YOU —  no turning back now!

if this baby is your second or fifth, you might be concerned  about how you will manage introducing another person into the household, and are your other child(ren) really as psychotic as they are behaving? (most likely not, it’s totally a phase…)

you’ll have a hard adjustment when your spouse goes back to work.

it will be scary and overwhelming. and if the only thing you’ve done for the day is feed them and change all of your clothes, that will be an accomplishment… (so be nice to yourself!)

but in most cases, you are not worried about that phone call you’ll receive from the doctor stating that your baby has some rare genetic disease you’ve never heard of.

you aren’t planning on:

…the countless testings, and then the heart-wrenching screams during blood work with your newborn.

…the extra hours spent at appointments with specialists, and trading your light reading for learning about this disease that is challenging your precious baby and the rest of you, as a family.

…the multiple hours spent on treatments to help your little one thrive, get by, and make it through the winter months so she won’t become ill. but even with the extra help, she still keeps getting sick…

now your worries are heightened, your nerves are on edge, and it’s round-the-clock nursing, in hopes that your child won’t end up hospitalized due to her breathing that is short and crackling from being sick…

“every baby gets sick,” you hear, but what they don’t know is that not every baby can afford to get sick.

                                                                         ~~~~~~~~

i write this letter to myself one year ago, as now i hear the rhythmic sounds of my husband thumping on our baby girl, performing chest physical therapy. she cries for a few minutes, but then settles into the percussion. it’s as if she knows it will help her.

i write this letter, as my son is singing along with daniel tiger about greeting the new baby — the same song we all sang a year ago, when my only worries were in hopes of a natural, v-bac birth, easy breastfeeding, beautiful nursery colors and our not all being crazy….

p.s those breathing techniques you learned in yoga are really good to do in between your anger and your tears.

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